Valentine's day is always a struggle for me because I battle with myself on wanting to be pampered,
receiving gifts and celebrating the commerical event, or resorting to my home and living out the February day as a hermit that wants nothing to do with the friviloius affairs.
Maybe the battle I have with Valentine's day has to do with my emotional well-being when the day approaches. Am I flutuating my mood based on my current relationship situation? Do I embaced the ideas of this day when I am in love another and my relationship status is checking all the boxes? Am I worried about not receivng the type of outward forms of affection from another person that I believe I deserve? Am I sacrificing the lack of self-love I have for myself and expecting someone else to provide me with love that I have not given to myself?
Do any of these questions pair with your thoughts? Do any of these questions hit a little too close for comfort?
I am sure you are wondering what does loving yourself have to do with your feelings for Valentine's day? I will let you answer this question by allowing you to do a quick check-in with yourself? Ask yourself this one question,
What are your true feelings about V-day this year?
Go ahead, I will wait...
Now if you have any emotional jitters tied to this day, then I would ask you,
Why you are so emotional about A DAY?
Are there let downs, surprises, unmet expectations, or disappointments that are attached to this day for the past? What about this year?
Is there some external joy or expectation that is causing you to have a certain emotion tied to Valentine's Day this year?
Regardless of your external emotions, I would challenge you to look inwards a focus on your own self-love you are giving to yourself right now. Ask yourself a couple of questions.
Do I love myself today?
How have I showed love to myself today?
What can I do today to show myself some love?
The love 💓 or lack of love 💔 you are showing towards yourself is vital to understanding how you want to be shown love externally. The reward in loving yourself is internal acceptance of who you are and accepting your situation in the here and now. It causes you to releasing the disappointments of the past, and the pressures of the future are subdued and play minimal roles in your current life. When we love ourselves, we are not influenced by a certain day on the calendar. We accept the day for all of its glory and natural intent. We share love on Valentine's Day, and the first person we should love on this day is ourselves. When we are authentic and show favour to ourselves first, then no one else can hinder our day. The let downs will be minimal and the surprises will be enhanced, because you love yourself first and put your needs first. Therefore we have to learn to remove the emotions we give to the day and use our emotions to love ourselves more. Your relationship status may read single, couple, or it's complicated, however, your relationship status to yourself should read:
Loved
Accepted
Appreciated
Cared for unconditional be me
Other (you filled in whatever else you need to be loved)
Make February 14th a day where you cater to yourself and understand how to love yourself, and lessen the need to be love by another. Learn to make Valentine's Day everyday and when February 14th comes around you will treat it like any other day of the week in your life. Giving love to yourself and sharing love with others.
SNH
Finding a therapist is easier than most think. Ask family and friends or do a quick Google search for a therapist in the area. Psychology Today is also a great resource to search for many therapists at once
About the Author:
Shawnesse Herbert is a licensed professional counselor in Cypress, TX.
Shawnesse is also the creator of DIscover S.E.LF. PLLC and has been working in the mental health field for the last three years. She has a Masters of Arts in Counseling from Prairie View A&M. She has clinical counseling experience working in a local Behavioral Health Hospital in Richmond county and therapeutic counseling in Harris county. Ms. Herbert has a 14-year extensive background history in education working with preteens and teens. Along with her dedication to self-care and self-love of oneself, she specializes in support individuals dealing with depression and anxiety. Learn more about her passions here.